It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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