There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
