I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
