I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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