the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
