I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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