My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
