I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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