I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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