Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
