super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
