And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
