Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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