I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
