at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
