Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
