we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
