is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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