Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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