pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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