my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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