I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
