I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
