So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
