i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
