there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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