just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
