Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
