I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.