i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..