I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”