Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You need Xanax blowdarts
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
