apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How does one acquire holy water?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
