the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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