coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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