do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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