woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
