My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
