ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
