I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
