It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
