I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
