she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
