I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
