I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
