he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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