Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
