hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dick very happy bro
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
