What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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