My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
