There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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