Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
