my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
