I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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