Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
