You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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