do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
