the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
