Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
