she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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