I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
