I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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