I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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