im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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