A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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