I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
