We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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