the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm like, not good at living.