I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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