I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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