if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
